2/20

i just got home from youth alive. it was one of the most terrible weekends i’ve had in a long time. not necessarily because of the event, just because of the way i’ve been feeling lately. i’m typing right now and i probably sound calm but i am so far from it. i don’t remember the last time i felt this low. all weekend i just wanted to come home and now that i’m here all i want is to be somewhere else. i just want to be someone else. so so so badly. i feel so far from my friends and so far from god and so far from myself. i just wanted to come home and tell my mom i loved her and missed her while i was gone but we’re already in a fight and i’ve only been home ten minutes. i can not express in words how much i hate myself right now and how much i’ve hated myself lately. i don’t know what to do. i hate feeling like this and i hate not knowing how to make it stop.

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